An urge can feel like it will keep growing until you act on it. Often it does not, though urges can also linger or come back. Urge surfing is a mindfulness skill for staying with an urge, watching how it changes, without fighting it and without giving in, so you can choose what you do.
The idea comes from psychologist G. Alan Marlatt's work on relapse prevention, and it is now part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and mindfulness based approaches. It works with urges to drink, eat, scroll, text, avoid, or anything else you have decided you do not want to act on right now. It is not meant for needs like hunger, thirst or rest, which deserve a response.
Urges Often Come in Waves
Many urges have a shape: they build, reach a peak and ease, though some persist or return. Acting on an urge ends it quickly, which teaches the brain that acting is the only way out. Fighting it hard can make it louder. Surfing is the third option: staying with the urge, noticing it, and choosing what to do, whether it passes quickly or not.
Each time you notice an urge and choose your response, you practice a different way of relating to it. The goal is not that the urge disappears. It is that you decide what you do.
How Do You Urge Surf?
Notice. Name it to yourself: "I am having an urge to send that text." Naming creates a small gap between you and the urge.
Locate it. Where do you feel it in your body? A pull in the chest, restlessness in the hands, heat in the face.
Describe it. Is it tight, buzzing, heavy, hot? Is it getting stronger or weaker? Use the describe skill: words for what is there, without the story.
Breathe with it. Use your breath as the surfboard. Slow breaths, longer on the exhale, while you keep watching.
Ride it out. Rate the urge from 0 to 10 every minute or two. Watch the number move. It may fall, stay level or come back, and the skill is the same either way: choosing your response.
Log One Urge
Writing it down makes the urge and your choice visible. Try the short log below with an urge from today or the next one that shows up.
When Urge Surfing Is Hard
- The urge is very strong. TIP skills can help bring intensity down.
- You are about to act. Use the STOP skill to buy a few seconds.
- You slip. That is information, not failure. Notice what made that wave bigger and plan for it next time.
- The urge keeps returning. Change the environment too: move the bottle, mute the chat, leave the room.
If urges involve harming yourself or someone else, do not try to ride it out alone. Contact a crisis line or emergency services, or reach out to someone you trust right away.
Where to go next
Urge surfing pairs well with DBT crisis survival skills and mindfulness of current emotions, which uses the same wave image for feelings.
Dr. Jesse Finkelstein works with urges, habits and impulsive behavior in individual therapy at Axis Psychological Services in New York City. You can book a free consultation.
References
Marlatt, G. A., & Gordon, J. R. (Eds.). (1985). Relapse Prevention. Guilford Press.
Bowen, S., Chawla, N., & Marlatt, G. A. (2010). Mindfulness Based Relapse Prevention for Addictive Behaviors. Guilford Press.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Common questions about urge surfing
What is urge surfing?
A mindfulness skill for riding out an urge without acting on it. You notice the urge, describe it in the body, and watch how it changes, instead of fighting it or giving in, then choose your response.
How long does an urge last?
It varies. Many urges ease when you do not act on them, but some persist or come back. Urge surfing does not promise relief by a certain time. Success is choosing your response.
Who developed urge surfing?
The term comes from psychologist G. Alan Marlatt's work on relapse prevention for addictive behaviors. It is now used in DBT, mindfulness based relapse prevention and other therapies.
What urges can you surf?
Urges to drink or use, to binge, to check your phone, to send an angry text, to avoid, or to act on other impulses you later regret. It is not meant for needs like hunger or rest. If urges involve harming yourself, reach out for support right away.
